If you have a relationship problem with your mother or one of your daughters, you should read this book and get the person you have the problem with to read this book as well. Each overestimates the other's power and underestimates her own. This book was a tool for me; a stepping stone in reframing the way I interpret comments and behaviours thereby affecting the way I respond to them. Read Literary Mama's full review here: Deborah Tannen is best known as the author of You Just Don't Understand, which was on The New York Times Best Seller list for nearly four years years, including eight months as No. There are little drawings too which are really funny.
So she might snap something like, 'She's perfectly fine, Mom, leave her alone. So, I guess many moms really do go overboard, and daughters really do overreact. Both mothers and daughters want to be seen for who they are, but tend to see the other as falling short of who she should be. There may be a moment of discomfort as you stand firm or even take a step in the other direction, but it's surely better than moving inexorably and pointlessly across a room. I don't know if I should count this as read or not. За тези допълнителните наистина съм благодарна, че не съм ги преживяла. I felt invaded, almost as if my home had been broken into.
It was Tannen who first showed us that men and women speak different languages. And sometimes Tannen's explanations of the reasoning I made it to page 119 of this book. За тези допълнителните наистина съм благодарна, че не съм ги преживяла. Mothers are viewed by their daughters through an intricate, specialized window. They are the best of conversations; they are the worst of conversations. When she is an adolescent, it's not, and other adults may not give it. Изградена е на базата на примери от живота на различни жени, случки от всекидневието, разговори — основната част на изледването на авторката.
I went in wanting to learn some techniques to break through the rut of typical mother-daughter quarreling patterns, instead I found a rehashing of why they happen. And it gave me perspective about arguments and points of views. Да променят начина на реакция към привидното неодобрение и критика, да се въздържат от съвети. Tannen theorizes that in the mother daughter relationship, each underestimates their own power while at the same time overestimating the power of the other. Maybe it's because I belong to the generation who grew up with it, but there was a lot of explaining how email is instantaneous, what an emoticon is, etc. When mother's communication is focused on how daughter looks via clothes, hair or weight the Big Three that cuts across all cultures then the conversation has little hope to get where is needs to be: on where the daughter is emotionally and spiritually. A relationship with a mother and daughter is already unique not to mention the added dynamics that life throws in.
Но основният похват е майките и дъщерите да се опитат да се поставят на мястото на другата, да видят ситуацията с нейните очи. When a little girl scrapes her knee then overly soft soothing talk can be appropriate. It was Tannen who first showed us that men and women speak different languages. I guess that makes sense, but still, it's hard for me to relate. However, by showing the many situations that exist, she is able to draw conclusions that can help you improve your own relationships. I had to laugh when I read the chapters where mothers and daughters expressed their conflict over hairstyles and clothing. Tone, sarcasm, body language all contribute to the meta-message.
What both mothers and daughters are seeking is love, intimacy, connection, and to be seen for who she really is. Видях, че нашите отношения не са нито най-лоши, нито един Вероятно всяка жена може да напише собствена книга за отношенията с майка си. And she has written this book in a way that allows any reader to understand and appreciate what she is saying. These exchanges are so real they can make you squirm as you relive the last fraught conversation you had with your own mother or daughter. А по-късно — и за отношенията с дъщеря си. Focus on the most important thing: the relationship. Many women, myself included, show their concern and caring by giving advice or asking if the other person has taken care of all the little details.
Digital master created according to Benchmark for Faithful Digital Reproductions of Monographs and Serials, Version 1. It's not that the things Tannen is describing aren't true, they are just kind of obvious. Deborah Tannen is a frequent guest on television and radio news and information shows. I don't know this, but having so commonly mentioned her mother and not her daughter, one might assume this to be true. It is a relationship that is complex, affected by feelings of deep love and at times deep anger. Eye-opening and heartfelt, this book shows why these relationships are so fraught and what daughters and mothers can do to make their conversations—and their relationships—better.
These dynamics lead to problems and conflicts, yet the same dynamics also lead to reconciliation and reaching out in love. But if your metamessage implied it, the grown-up thing to do is admit it and talk about what was meant vs. As one of three sisters, it's always interesting to me that my sisters and I have such different relationships with the same mother. Big-picture advice: As the child, make your parents feel needed. От тук следва и вторият голям проблем — разликата в гледните точки. One family said, one time the mother was giving a recipe and she was so detailed the daughter said, 'You know, I think I know you should sift the flour without your telling me,' so whenever she feels her mother is giving her too much advice she says, 'It's like the cake recipe, Mom.